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This one’s going to be deep. Suicide is on the rise over the past two years. As I’m writing this I’m doing my best to hold a dear friend’s hand while she survives her husband’s suicide three weeks ago. There were no signs. No warning. No explanation. Anyone who has gone through this will all share the worst grief, while they all will have a different story.
I write this in the hopes of helping one person out of making this decision.
In the moment, it may seem the only way to end your pain, rid your demons.
The people you leave behind have taken on your pain and then some. They are forever changed, and not in a good way. They have to be presented with reminders every day of the life that you had with them; maybe kids, maybe pets, maybe all of your clothes, toiletries, hats, glasses, wallet…. and the countless small details. They have to decide how to memorialize your life. Cremation or traditional burial. Coffin or urn. What to put on the grave stone or the urn. They have to make countless phone calls during a time where they can barely speak. They have to try to sleep or else they will lose their mind. If they do manage to fall asleep, they have nightmares. They have to try to remember to eat and take a shower and sometimes even breathe. Their last vision of you is how they found you.
They don’t just go through this for a couple of days, they have to relive it with every phone call and every detail that they have to make a decision about. They have to rebuild. Every day they wake up to a new nightmare. Every night they go to sleep afraid of the dark and the sounds, yet afraid of silence at the same time.
I write this because I am helping one of the strongest people I know fracture and crumble.
If these thoughts have ever entered your mind or you think you are capable of ending your life, I beg of you, talk to someone. Talk to your people, anyone, someone. Let them know you are in a dark place because letting them know is far better than leaving them picking up the pieces without knowing.
If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the 988 Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States.
No matter what problems you’re dealing with, whether or not you’re thinking about suicide, if you need someone to lean on for emotional support, call.
It is not just for suicide. People call to talk about lots of things: substance abuse, economic worries, relationships, sexual identity, getting over abuse, depression, mental and physical illness, and loneliness, to name a few.
Suicide Awareness Day is September 10. Please don’t be the reason someone knows that.
